How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I didn't shave. On purpose
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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