i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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