I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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