would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
