I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
