I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
