i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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