ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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