And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
