Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
