I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
