The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
