I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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