that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
