I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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