I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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