if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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