it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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