Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
