Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You smell like stripper and shame
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
