there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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