Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
