no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
