do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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