dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize
