Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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