At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
