Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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