i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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