Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
