You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
