I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
