Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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