hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
