I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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