Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
