my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
