Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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