What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
