the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
