Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
