im about as happy as oj after his trial
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
