Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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