While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
