my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Holy shit dude........stairs
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