and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
