I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
