wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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