is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
the raccoons are back...
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