So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
