Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
