Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
