i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
