Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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