So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
