I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
