I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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