wrigley field is MILF paradise
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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