I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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