he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
