In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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