On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
