She is in my trunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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