you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
