I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
