Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
