Non-Jews are for practice
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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