My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
