I bet he comes in French.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
