Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
