im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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