Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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