I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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