He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
