apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
