it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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