Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
